Cem Bilici

Horror Writer

Put a Little V in Your A

That’s right, boys and girls. The Writing Debacle Podcast has gone visual!

Avert your eyes! Run for the hills! Click the play button and suffer!

Look at me being all nice-nice. If only you knew I was silently judging all that I see.

Oh, wait… It’s just me.

Carry on.

Growers and Showers

No, that is not showers as in “I just watched a septuagenarian man fellate a butternut pumpkin and need to go take a shower,” showers. Nor am I speaking of someone on a hobby farm getting dirty after cultivating their beets and then having to go wash.

In the context of penises as related to writing (if you don’t get the reference… TOUGH) I realised that I am hopefully a grower. I say hopefully as I have yet to expand.

OK, we’ll get off the dick references now.

Hopefully. No guarantees.

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Filling in the Gap

No, this is not an erotic story post set in a petrol station in a remote location. That comes next month.

It’s a new year so I am NOT making any resolutions. Fuck resolutions. No one holds to them anyway. Instead I have made a determination.

I am determined to publish this year, Ward of the South and other novels, and short stories. To that end, I have already submitted my novel Ward of the South to Angry Robots Books during their open door period which ends at the end of the month (so if you have a novel go check out the details and submit). Failing that, I am squirreling away money to save up for professional services (editor, illustrator, etc, not the questionable type that gets you a happy ending).

I am also relaunching The Writing Debacle podcast and week by week going to chronicle my journey and share my learnings. I had an ambitious goal to interview other writers and talk about writing, but I think I stretched it too far. We all knows what happens when you do that! Instead I will keep it to a more manageable length to spare us all from that pain. And spare me the “that’s what she said” jokes while you’re at it.

So tonight – well my tonight, the evening of January 8th – I shall record and release the new format. One day hopefully I will get back to the originally planned format but I might just hold that off for when I have more time. So keep an eye and ear out for that.

As stated, I have also determined to publish more than the one book this year. Ward of the South was finished a while ago and I have just kept polishing it myself. One might say procrastinated. Sure. I did. But because I knew I could not publish it yet. It needs editing. Meanwhile, since starting the thing in November 2013, I started two other novels. They, conversely, have NOT been finished. So, starting in chronological order, I will finish them. One is The Mechanical Turk, my Ottoman Steampunk adventure. The other is The Enlightened, a supernatural mystery/horror, and then I will move on to one of the plethora – yes I said plethora – of other ideas or perhaps the sequel to Ward of the South.

And let’s not forget the short stories. I have a bunch that I have started and worked on over time in the background, so, sorry, no more freebies for a bit. I will still do some I’m sure, I may even go back to doing some flashing (you lucky devils) but I want to try and sell some and add to the kitty for professional services on writing more novels.

I will talk about everything on the podcast along the way, so do please join in and ask me anything or comment. I will also work to get these episodes transcribed and posted here as blog posts to go with the episodes after they are published, and generally try and blog a bit more regularly.

Alright. So happy 2016 everyone, and I’ll see whomever joins me on the flipside!


Cem Bilici signing off


No, this is not a spell from the Potterverse. I don’t need no damn hat to tell me where to go! I tell THE HAT where to go!

In the corner. Turn around. Eyes down! That’s right. Now, while I put the collar on and wet the sponges you–


Greetings writers and readers.

A writing friend pointed me to a call out by Mr Chuck Wendig for NaNoWriMo snippets as a challenge. While I am only halfway to the 50k mark (a pox on me!) I have been enjoying the process immensely (huzzah! break out my mulled wine and nipple pasties!). I’ll do my damnedest to win, but I’m not hopeful. But hey, even if I don’t get my NaNo hattrick (NOT YOU, WORM! BACK IN THE CORNER!) I am closer to my second novel goal. And Mr Wendig wants either the best 1000 words, or those that we are most proud of. And I have chosen mine.

My NaNo this year is The Enlightened, an idea I had for a horror/supernatural mystery. It’s a slow burn compared to Ward of the South, and I’m enjoying the change of pace. It’s an idea I had some time ago, and for whatever reason the story wanted to be set in the mid 90’s.

No, the MC does not have Reebok Pumps, parachute pants and a Hypercolor T-shirt.

Anyway, enough prattle. I have an electrophilic hat in desperate need of treatment. Enjoy one thousand words from The Enlightened.


Cem Bilici

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Halloween Story – Six Million Dollar Jesus

Howdy everyone.

It’s been a while since I posted a short story up. Certainly not since I killed off Jim. That pesky novel has been getting in the way. So what with it being Halloween and all I thought I would post this little doozy which has actually been brewing since LAST Halloween.

Six Million Dollar Jesus started as a little gag called Rocktoberween on Scribophile in the Horror! group. The deal was for people to write a rock and roll based horror halloween story. This one was mine.

So without further ado, here’s Six Million Dollar Jesus.


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